pair a docks

Well folks, the weekend is upon us once again. Of course, all of my free-wheelin' hell raisin', beer drinkin' friends are chompin' at the bit to double their livers in size and I am still one clean machine. It's getting tough though, finding more excuses to drop my thirty days of deprivation and fall face first off the chuckwagon. Looks like I am supposed to go out for a birthday party tonight at the Big Bang. For those unfamiliar, the Big Bang is a piano bar filled to the brim with white trash disguised as normal people and tourists. Yeah, exactly, who the hell comes to St. Louis on vacation. I don't know, but they do, trust me, and where do they go, the Big Bang, that's right. The part that bothers me the most is the predictabiliy. Well, that and the soberness to add to my irritability. I know when I walk in the door some jackass college dropout who did a few cycles of steroids to dominate his fraternity football league and score a few chicks will certainly be there to carefully look over my ID, pretending he knows how to read as I am sure his kind are only fascinated by pictures. Once his brain is satisfied he will hand my id back and give me a look as to say, "your lucky, this time." I can't imagine this creature has a mother. Next stop, trashy blonde girl, no doubt much less pretty than she realizes, obsessed with celebrities, especially paris hilton and passed around the bar like a bottle of whiskey. She take me five dollars cover and gives me a cheery thanks, making sure to bat her eyelids. Once inside I will find my table of friends and give and recieve all appropriate hugs and handshakes. I'll be asked repeatedly if I want a drink and if I am sure I don't want to drink and have to explain why I am not drinking to nearly each and every person. Not convinced, they will ask one last time if I am really sure I don't want a drink. I will decline and they will remain confused at my response, seemingly unaware of why I would not be drinking. I'll finally settle into a manageable state until some redneck pays 10 bucks to hear anything from Sammy Haggar and the dualing piano's oblige with a best of Sammy medley and the crowd will go wild, I will of course be pushed closer to the edge. However, I could avoid all this pain by skipping and going to the opening night of the Gateway Cup in Lafeyette square where I would be more than pleased to watch some bicycle racing, eat a bratwurst and I am sure my diet coke would taste o so much better.

bablerized

The watch was a hit and apparently "similar" to her old one but "much nicer." Couldn't tell if she was being facetious. Just a side note to all my loyal readers, essentially a note to myself, read blog from bottom to top. It makes more sense, historically anyways. Yes, I do re-read my blog. It's for typos though, not self-love. I figure I can at least spell check this thing to make up for the lack of sentence structure and grammar. Spent 2 hours of running around getting to and from babler today and 28 minutes on the bike for a grand total of 7 miles. At a mere seven miles it was enough to push my heart up into my throat on more than one occasion. Raced down to the entrance and finally spun out in the top gear, well, that and I ran out of leg juice. Enough to hit 48mph but not enough to overtake Adam. Asshole got the jump on me anyways. Thought about hopping on his wheel initially but since he thrice refused to put on his helmet I worried rubbing wheels would have him drinking his supper out of a straw until his expiration date. Feeling so much better climbing these days and screaming on the descents. Finally have a good feel for the bike's capabilities or at least mine, which are far inferior, but finding my groove. I need to go out there one day and put in about 50 miles. My personal acclimation to the rolling hills of Missouri. Maybe if I get a hyperbaric chamber to sleep in I can finally catch Adam on a climb. I guess all in all, it's worth all the time getting there even if I only get to rocket down the big hill's for a few minutes. I could stop at Six Flags to get the same thrill, but at babler there are no lines, minimal white trash, and admission is free. However, I could not get a roasted turkey leg anywhere.

today's ride

I found out I can actually ride my bike around my loft. It is not that my loft is that big, rather, my lack of stuff makes for clear floorspace. Most things that I acquire over the years eventually find their way into a new home or into a filty dumpster. My last couch I owned I threw out into the street and the homeless drug it into the park to sleep on, pee on, procreate on, whatever. It was later set on fire by the dumpster. Actually, I think it was my old mattress that was set ablaze, not the couch. Anyways, the point of this ramble is that I missed my ride today. However, I did buy the girl a birthday present. It's a bulova watch, silver with a black face and crystals in the band. Only problem, it may be an exact replica of a watch her last boyfriend bought her. God I hope it isn't.

best laid plans

Well, didn't catch the lunar eclipse. I think it didn't start until 4:52am and I don't care if it were to only happen once in 5,000 years; there is no way I am getting up at that ridiculous hour. I also missed the gym today, pretty much didn't do anything I had planned too. I did go shopping for the girlfriends birthday present and came back with nothing. I found a robot vaccuum cleaner, a fondue pot, a scale, and 1/2ct diamond earrings. I bought none of them. Back to the drawing board tomorrow and this is my last chance. It's hard not to think about bicycle stuff when I am pricing other things, $299 for earrings, damn, does she know I could get a new campagnolo chorus carbon crank. She really doesn't know how much I sacrifice does she.

the wagon is nice...

A little wakeboarding yesterday, beautiful outside and not a cloud in the sky. Conditions were perfect for drinking ice cold mediocore pilser from recycled aluminum cans. Many were offered but all were refused. I am really sore today, about 10 minutes of boarding makes me feel like I have been in a car wreck. I can't beleive I can ride 75miles in a day with no problems but 10 minutes of wakeboarding breaks me. I think I need to make my physical activities a little more well rounded. So, today I incorporated about an hour of tennis into the morning activities. Tomorrow I plan to get back into the gym. After all, I do pay for it everyday so I might as well use it. Besides, I don't want my upper body looking like Michael Rasmussen. Heard something about a lunar eclipse tonight at midnight, I think I'll stand out in the yard for a while like a jackass and see what happens.

74.80miles

Ran out of daylight, and screw 100miles. Why should I ride for numbers? Great ride, saw plenty of turkeys, a few deer, almost ran over an unsuspecting groundhog. As I was cruising around the city at dusk, I thought, this is ridiculous. Am I just going around in laps so I can break 75miles? Maybe if I got out of bed before the crack of noon I could actualy get 100miles in, or if I would buy a headlight and tailight. Somehow the forsight to do these things has remained just out of my reach. Feeling pretty tired but the legs definitely had a lot left in them. Not sure I burned more calories than I consumed on the ride though. Spicy chicken burrito, ranchero taco, double decker taco, nutrigrain bar(strawberry), king size snickers, nature valley oats and honey bars, pop tarts(strawberry), and a hardee's double cheeseburger, also liquid calories in the form of one coca-cola and a qt. of purple powerade. That is pre-ride taco bell, a must for the serious athelete. Cruised by the tap room and they had some damn outdoor music and beerfest going on. I could actually smell all kinds of beers in the air. I just about went into a frenzy. Must fight the dark side. Screw beer. screw music. screw all of you. I am going to take a cold shower, then lie in the fetal position in the tub until my fingers are wrinkly.

Weekend

Well, weekend is here and of course I have about 1000 offers to go out and get drinks. Not happening, stop calling me people. Looking to do a big ride tommorrow, need to best me previous record of a measly 75miles. Shouldn't be that hard, well, who am I kidding, I still suck on the bike, it should hurt plenty.

MRT

Got up early to get my sister to the airport, ok, I didn't actually drive her there but I did drive her 6 blocks down the street to dump her on the nearest metro. Gotta conserve energy, Al Gore would be proud. Since I was already up and so fresh from my 4 wonderful hours of sleep on my tiny loveseat, see I am not inconsiderate, I gave her the bed; I figured I might as well ride. As tempting as it was to get up and curl under the softeness of my supierior cotton sheets, the thought of sleeping next to my sister and waking up in some sort of awkward spoon position was enough to keep me at bay. Headed down to the riverfront trail at a pretty leisurly pace. A few miles in I started to feel better and really start spinning, I reached the chain of rocks pretty quick but was low on fuel as always so I had to make the trek over the the lovely cigpornboozomart or whatever that place is called. Opted for the big red powerade and a strawberry pie in parchment sleeve. This bad boy had a mega 500 calories and would keep me going for a while. Headed over to granite city where I found various pieces of white trash already drinking budweiser at 9 in the morning. Sadly, I was slighty jealous. This is day 2 and I already have beer envy. Well, riding around granite turned out to be a diesel exhaust inhaling shitbag of a ride so I tucked my tail and headed back to the trail. By this time the angry river has kicked up a nice headwind for me to battle all the way home. Stopped back at chain of rocks and tried to take care of business in the eco-john but it was hot as shit and wiping my ass with a brown paper towl was not going to treat my healing taint nicely. So, back on the bike and back into town. Didn't really hit it to hard, trying to save some legs for saturday to see if I can do my first century. 43.43 miles in total with an average that is too low to publish. Damn headwind.

Sober

I have decided that I have got to try something new. I need to give up the booze for 30 days. For some of you, I am sure this seems like an easy and effortless task, but for those with a mighty thirst for the "occaisional drink" this is harder than giving yourself papercuts to your eyelids. Not that I feel compelled to drink all the time or am even overconsuming or abusing alcohol on most occasions. However, when looking down the family tree I have seen a pattern of males who have been overpowered by the effect of alcohol. I am sure none of these guys thought their recreational activies would one day effect them and their famalies, but sadly they did. I don't want to use my twenties just like I used college as an excuse to over imbib. A life without drinking the wines and beers I truly love is tough to imagine. A life without hangovers, cost of alcohol, a healthy liver and etc., is nice to imagine. 30 days seems like a good time to experience life without the bottle and see what is possible. I am sure I'll have many people try to throw me off course and snicker and predict my seemingless demise, so be it. The problem is that too many social situations arrive that call for cocktails. Birthdays, holidays, wednesdays, whatever. If you have never tried to completely remove alcohol from your diet, trust me, it's harder than you think. First week, no problem. Second week, getting harder but adapting to saying no. By the third week, each neon budweiser emblazoned window display looks like the lights of heaven and the memory of a glorious cold brew cleansing your palate and then your soul will turn you into a desperate, broken and thirsty beast. You can usually find any excuse, the easiest being well, I made it over two weeks. I deserve a beer, damnit. This time period will lapse my birthday on sept 8 and my girlfriend bday on aug 30th. Good enough excuses to put it off another month and run to 7-11 and pick up a sixer of schlafly's finest. See, what a pussified way out. I am too comfortable too often and things need to get shaken up a bit. Here we go.

and on the 7th day....

I finish my week on today. Now, for all of you squares working 9-5 for the man, I will explain. I work 7 days on from 12-10pm and in reward get 7 days off, from the man of course. Week looks good, sister in town from Cali, nothing planned and weather looks like a stellar 95 degrees all week, perfect conditions for some tortuous rides along the dirty mississippi and into the dirtier metro east. A nice application of my girlfriends skin firming lotion to my ass cheeks and all is well down south today. A little soreness in the legs but that is to be expected when you take two weeks off then return with a metric century, especially for a guy that weighs 200+ lbs and is in o.k. shape. Been drinking Schlafly American Pale Ale Expedition Reserve. Good stuff, one or two a night should make your world seem o so much better. That's pharmacist recommended folks.

My taint hurts

Back on the bike today for the first time in about 2 weeks, damn I missed my bike. Took off from downtown to head to Forest Park to meet up with Adam and Ben. Ben bought a new TT bike and is anxious to try it out, I obliged with a Fo Po ride although slightly suicidal on a Sunday. Pounded a shitty cliff bar and slipped into my spandex superhero outfit. First mile on my bike I felt like I was sitting way off the ground, had trouble cornering, it was so awkward. Pretty much like the first time I ever got on a roadie. Must of been all that riding on the beach cruiser last week in key west. Anyways, warmed up on the way to the park and finally got into a groove, ahhh, there it is. Hit the park and looking for h20 right away. The tap water at my house was a cool 85 degrees, ridiculous and no ice of course as I am too lazy to refill the trays, yes I still use trays. Got the bottles topped off and saw Adam and Ben whizzing by, I shouted but to no avail. So I deftly mounted my steed and took off through the grass eventually connecting with some pavement and the chase was on. I caught up about a quarter mile later and went flying by. I sat up and let them catch up, we took a warm up lap the the race was on. Pretty fast ride considering all the nothing I had been doing up to this day. Felt really good to be riding with friends and the legs were feeling fresh!! Hit the park a few times and they both had enough. I turned my carbon fiber beast toward downtown and spun on. Ran into an anti-war rally and they asked me to join, I obliged as I would be followed by stl's boys in blue all the way to city grocer, my true destination, plus the rallys pace of 5mph probably wasn't going to get me the miles I wanted for the day. Gatorade and a milky way from the store, wow, cold fluids are sooooo goood. Hit the riverfront trail and headed up to Chain of Rocks. Supplies were running low so had to make the trek over to GC now. Coming down the metal deck bridge a saw a couple biker dudes, not spandex but leather, and both of these goateed assbags were blocking my path. I thought this might not be good but they were lost and looking for Chain of Rocks themselves. I informed them they were but a short 3 miles or so away and they were super excited. At this point I think they realized my bike was superior to theirs and they probably went out and bought spandex the next day. No need to thank me boys. A few hundred yards up the road I ran into the rest of the gang and they flagged me down as well. Just like the first batch of wanderers they were amazed at my knowledge of the lay of the land. Victory is mine! Cruised to this little convienient store, and convienient it was if you were looking for ooodles of porn, cigs, and cheap booze. This place had it all. Fortunately they had some more gatorade, fiji water(classy) and I picked of a pack of jerky. Feeling pretty good now and well over 40miles, but time to head back. Pound my awesome refreshments and pass by the bikers taking their pics in front of the bridge. By this time I am noticing that my bum is becoming a bit uncomfy so up out of the saddle and back down I go, up and down, up and down. Of course, all this horsin' around out of the saddle has cost me much of my precious energy. Get down town and only need about 5 more miles to get 100kilometers in. Head to soulard and find this amazing water shooter thing hooked up to a hydrant. I stand under it and the cool mist, more like rain, feels like heroin. At least I imagine. Anyways, it's pretty frickin awesome. Get back on the bike and shorts are now soaked, hurting bum becomes a wet hurting bum. Wet bum=bad friction. Stop and talk to a buddy working on his landscape and head up lafeyette to 14th and sprint home. Hit the doorstep and 62 miles exact. Wow, only about 40 more miles more than I had planned. Good day, hit Qdoba and the way to work for a steak queso burrito w/magno salsa, sour cream, and cheese on my cheese burrito, sure, why not and a diet root beer. Nothing goes better with a 1,700 calorie burrito than a diet soda. Gotta watch the cals somewhere I guess. This chair is usually comfy but not today my aching taint reminds me of my great ride today.

back to stl via mia

Back in the lou, vaca was good. Key West, very nice!! Miami is crazy expensive, 15 bucks for a mojito, what the fuck. I guy would get his ass kicked around here for charging that kinda dough for a drink. Min wage is what, 6 bucks an hour. If I work at taco bell I gotta work three flippin hours making dang quesadillas in order to buy you got it, one f in drink. Valet also wrecked my rental and told me "no sir, it a broken when you came." Assholes. Outta shape but going to ride fo park in the am with adam and ben.

Miami

Heading to South Beach on Wednesday and renting a conv. to do the drive to Key West. Everyone tells me it is going to be hot as hell. Well, I don't know if anyone has been outside a climate controlled environment for the past two weeks, but it is HOT AS HELL here!! Somehow, the prospect of laying by the pool all day and dousing myself with Corona when it gets too hot doesn't scare me away from the dreaded Florida Heat.... so long to missoury for a few days and so long to my bike training. I should be a full month behind schedule when I return from my trip of little exercise and overconsumption.