My taint hurts

Back on the bike today for the first time in about 2 weeks, damn I missed my bike. Took off from downtown to head to Forest Park to meet up with Adam and Ben. Ben bought a new TT bike and is anxious to try it out, I obliged with a Fo Po ride although slightly suicidal on a Sunday. Pounded a shitty cliff bar and slipped into my spandex superhero outfit. First mile on my bike I felt like I was sitting way off the ground, had trouble cornering, it was so awkward. Pretty much like the first time I ever got on a roadie. Must of been all that riding on the beach cruiser last week in key west. Anyways, warmed up on the way to the park and finally got into a groove, ahhh, there it is. Hit the park and looking for h20 right away. The tap water at my house was a cool 85 degrees, ridiculous and no ice of course as I am too lazy to refill the trays, yes I still use trays. Got the bottles topped off and saw Adam and Ben whizzing by, I shouted but to no avail. So I deftly mounted my steed and took off through the grass eventually connecting with some pavement and the chase was on. I caught up about a quarter mile later and went flying by. I sat up and let them catch up, we took a warm up lap the the race was on. Pretty fast ride considering all the nothing I had been doing up to this day. Felt really good to be riding with friends and the legs were feeling fresh!! Hit the park a few times and they both had enough. I turned my carbon fiber beast toward downtown and spun on. Ran into an anti-war rally and they asked me to join, I obliged as I would be followed by stl's boys in blue all the way to city grocer, my true destination, plus the rallys pace of 5mph probably wasn't going to get me the miles I wanted for the day. Gatorade and a milky way from the store, wow, cold fluids are sooooo goood. Hit the riverfront trail and headed up to Chain of Rocks. Supplies were running low so had to make the trek over to GC now. Coming down the metal deck bridge a saw a couple biker dudes, not spandex but leather, and both of these goateed assbags were blocking my path. I thought this might not be good but they were lost and looking for Chain of Rocks themselves. I informed them they were but a short 3 miles or so away and they were super excited. At this point I think they realized my bike was superior to theirs and they probably went out and bought spandex the next day. No need to thank me boys. A few hundred yards up the road I ran into the rest of the gang and they flagged me down as well. Just like the first batch of wanderers they were amazed at my knowledge of the lay of the land. Victory is mine! Cruised to this little convienient store, and convienient it was if you were looking for ooodles of porn, cigs, and cheap booze. This place had it all. Fortunately they had some more gatorade, fiji water(classy) and I picked of a pack of jerky. Feeling pretty good now and well over 40miles, but time to head back. Pound my awesome refreshments and pass by the bikers taking their pics in front of the bridge. By this time I am noticing that my bum is becoming a bit uncomfy so up out of the saddle and back down I go, up and down, up and down. Of course, all this horsin' around out of the saddle has cost me much of my precious energy. Get down town and only need about 5 more miles to get 100kilometers in. Head to soulard and find this amazing water shooter thing hooked up to a hydrant. I stand under it and the cool mist, more like rain, feels like heroin. At least I imagine. Anyways, it's pretty frickin awesome. Get back on the bike and shorts are now soaked, hurting bum becomes a wet hurting bum. Wet bum=bad friction. Stop and talk to a buddy working on his landscape and head up lafeyette to 14th and sprint home. Hit the doorstep and 62 miles exact. Wow, only about 40 more miles more than I had planned. Good day, hit Qdoba and the way to work for a steak queso burrito w/magno salsa, sour cream, and cheese on my cheese burrito, sure, why not and a diet root beer. Nothing goes better with a 1,700 calorie burrito than a diet soda. Gotta watch the cals somewhere I guess. This chair is usually comfy but not today my aching taint reminds me of my great ride today.