Budweiser Semi

My new tactic for riding at speeds faster than my limited abilities allow is to grab on the back wheel of a budweiser totin' 18-wheelin' big rig. I found that making runs up and down broadway and hanging out at the brewery actually allows to catch one of these road devouring beasts. Previous attempts to motorpace with metrobuses and garbage trucks have proved unsuccessful due to their frequent stoppage. However, a good run of green lights and minimal traffic allows one to mega-draft one of these slow starting windsmashers. Obviously there is some danger involved but I can assure you it's worth it and most importantly you will look cool to all your friends. After all, what's more important than impressing people? I know, I can't think of anything either. So, brave soldiers of the lyrca army, ride smarter, not harder. Use your intellect to bump that ave. speed so at the watercooler you can tell the one other pussy guy in your company who gives a shit about bikes your pro-worthy numbers and he can smell the superiority oozing from your pores.

Inspiration

Wait, nope, thought I had some, it's gone.

MCT

Well, yet again I jumped onto the saddle to traverse the grand Mississippi River Trail. I took off at a leisurly pace as I had just downed two spring rolls and a half a pound of chicken pad thai. (If you don't know what these are stop eating hamburger helper every meal) I only took one bottle yesterday because I had planned on a short ride. I made my appearance at the Stop-n-Go and another 89cent powerade was mine for the taking. Strawberry fruit pie to go, thank you. While in the store I noticed a wierd sound coming from my right shoe, as I looked down I saw that a screw from my cleat was about to fall out. I pulled a dime from the change I had recieved and made a quick repair and I was off. This time when I rolled up to Lewis and Clark I decided not to take the turn to Alton, after all, I am tired of remounting after each damn gate crossing, plus their was a nasty headwind brewing up for my return and after all, this was supposed to be a short ride. I bravely went forth on New Poag road, despite the fact it was horrendously busy and I was going to have to ride on a shoulder littered in rocks, dead raccoons, and kittens. I am serious, there were dead kittens. After almost getting pummeled on a few bridges I decided I had to get off the road for a bit and turned into the town of Poag. So, this town was another madison co. gem that I had never discovered. Dirty rednecks were sitting in lawn chairs smoking cheap cigarettes and admiring all of the junk they had collected to take place of what would be a lawn in normal society. There was a vegtebale stand, and I am pretty sure some of the produce had a sign that said free on it. Sure, that's what they want me to believe. As I go up to pick out a free squash some hillbilly with a double barrel will walk out and force me into a little tin shanty with a dirt floor. No one is sticking a gag ball in my mouth today I thought, and picked up my speed. Upon exiting I saw a biker turn onto wanda road and I blindly followed. I took wanda to the beginning of a place called watershed trail. I wasn't for sure where exactly I was but I was back on a bike trail and that was good enough for me. As I moved down the trail I was being smacked in the face by tons of little bugs. These things were hitting my arms, face, head, they were everywhere. The impact of them hitting my body was actually killing them, it was wierd. Every mile or so I would have to stop and takke my helmet off to clean the dead insects from my skin. Despite this the path was beautiful. The green trees seemed to grow together over the top of the trail and it gave the effect that you were traveling through a big tunnel. The trail itself was littered with the first dead leaves of fall, I felt like I was in a scene from a movie. My growing imagination also told me I needed to get refreshments. Eventually I ended up somewhere in Edwardsville and back onto New Poag. I knew this would take me back to where I needed to go and I needed to get there fast as I had been out of food and water for quite some time. I passed by the entrance to SIUE, scared a few deer away from crossing the road and eventually made it back to the Lewis and Clark center. One more stop in G.C. for a 64oz ice water and snickers bar, best 80cent I ever spent, and I was headed for home. Battling a stupid headwind the whole way I was pretty gassed when I arrived back at home. Wait, my day isn't over yet. Some bum comes running up to me, "hey man, I gotsda ting you need for dat bike. I gots lights, tail lights, head lights, 5 dolla a piece and Ill trow in da two dbd's." Funny thing was, he was right, I actually did need both of these things. I went upstairs and got him ten bucks and he gave me the gift bag of stolen property. However as I looked in the bag at the dvd's I realized he had got me. One of the dvd's was Kevin Costner's career defining film "Waterworld." I will surely never be able to give this away, let alone sell it to someone. He had tricked me and passed on his curse of Waterworld. I can already start to feel it change me.

speedy, kind of?

Well, today I mounted my carbon fiber weaved steed once again for yet another ride for the records in spandex history. The ride was MRT, again. I decided I was tired of looking down at my ave speed and continually reading 14.8, 15.1, a good days effort yielded 16. Was I really this slow or is it all the stoplights and assbags who pull out in front of me that kick the life out of my average effort? Today I set my timer at the start of the trail and stepped on the gas, woooosh, I was off. Pretty sore pretty fast considering my 1.5mile warm up. Fighting off the cramps and wierd muscle spasms for the first 5 miles and I finally broke free of my own bodies incapabilities. Cruising really good and hammered accross the levy at about 24mph. About 20 minutes in my mind started tricking me, slow down it said, save yourself, you'll do a century sunday, c'mon take it easy pal. He almost got me when I realized it was just the inner pussy in me trying to get out, "you again" I said, and I beat that mother back into its deep, dark hole and mashed on the gas once again. Hitting the chain of rocks I was pretty winded but low on fuel and the only place that can quench my wild thirst is the magic Stop-n-Go. With 89cent powerade on my mind I continued my newly found furious pace and screeched into the parking lot. Checked my stats. 15miles. 20.2mph. Holy shit! I may actually become a real certified Cat 5 mediocore bike racer someday. HOOOrayy!! My carmel crack filled snickers was a junkies delight and the powarede was exceptional. I remounted my childs toy and headed back, ugggh , not feeling so hot. Sugar overload and my lack of cool down has left me in a bad way. Nevertheless I realize I have got to put forth some effort to salvage as much of this av speed as I can, after all, I got to blog about it when I get home and all my readers out there are pulling for me. I really never got rid of the stiffness and a wind seemed to kick up on the way back, always does, as I had absolutely no tailwind on the way out, no way. Battled against it but could only comfortably manage about 15mph on the levy. I couldn't watch my speed disapate so I turned the comp to a new function, I could'nt bear to watch. Well, I finally loosened up again but really didn't have a lot left in me so I put forth what effort I could. Reaching town I looked at my stats once again 32miles. 18mph. Well, still a victory as far as I am concerned. All in all, its been a good week and I have around 185miles so far. Stayed tuned to find out what happends next........

recovery

Did a recovery ride yesterday, snail slow. I flatted at about 1 kilometer into the ride and almost threw in the towel. I slowly changed my tube due to my lack of mechanical skills and rode back to the house to check the tire pressure. Back to 110psi and I was out the door, again. Went up to forest park to do some cruisin around and ended up riding about 20 miles or so. oh, also hit the gym to to back and shoulder before the ride.

Today, damn my back is sore. I am trying not to overwork my sweet muscles in the gym but seems like no matter how little I lift I am sore as hell. Back on the bike today and rode up to Fo Po again and met Adam. My pace of course immediately picked up and within about 2 minutes we were screaming up a hill at 28mph. Why do I ride with this guy again? We eventually tired of riding continuous loops and shot up to Clayton and stopped in at Fit Pro to oogle at all their gadgets. Its like high quality bike porno. Also, the Dogfish team kit came in today!! Stoked to throw my 20dolla nashbar jersey to the ground and pretend to be a real team cyclist. Never raced a damn day in my life but I sure look like I do now. Anyways, the kit is great, really comfortable and slides on like a lambskin condom but looks even better. Rode about 30 miles today with a few good efforts. Gonna try for the century on Sunday but don't know if the girl will be to happy about that considering it is one of the only days off we have together. But shit, man, I gotsa ride my bike.

ps. Forward this to 1,000 people in the next 30 seconds or you will be eaten by syphillitic rabbits.

tour of missouri/tour of alton

Sunday I was able to watch the last stage of the tour of missouri roll into town. I rode my bike around the team buses and was able to ride along side most of the riders heading toward the check-in area. Looking at their whisper thin physiques, ultra-expensive bikes and mega-cool kits, I felt like I had brought a knife to a nuclear warhead fight. However, I was not deterred by the fact that I looked like a wanna be jackass getting in the way of the riders. At the start of the race I was handed a pile of t-shirts by one of the support cars and told to pass them out. I also got a discovery water bottle when one of the guys riding by tossed it out, not for sure which rider though. So, that concludes my free bike junk I procured that day. Race was great, rode around the course to catch it at a few different angles then rode on the course after the peloton went by. It was great riding on forest park with not one damn car. If only in my dreams... Big crash at the finish when brad huff hit the barriers and went end over end. Pretty spectacular, but I actually missed it. Seeing my first pro bike race gave me cycling induced fever.

Yesterday I hooked up with Kleeman to due a mrt/mct ride. I rode up to Barnes and met up with him then we spun down to the river. Felt really good on the way out and were riding low to mid 20's with no problem. About 20miles in we stopped and had gas station snacks. 89cent powerade. A snickers. This is fuel of the gods. Blasted our way up to Alton and by this time I could tell the wind was really picking up and would punish us later for taking advantage of it on the way to one of America's most disgusting cities. Cruised into town and had about 40miles on the day but felt great. Decided to eat a gas station sandwich and a 44oz water, half of which I spilled. Streets, signs, people, everything in this town is covered in dirt. White trash and the ghetto fabulous live in some sort of utopian harmony in this town. I swore at any moment in time the kkk lookin asshole in front of me and the black panther behind him were going to shank each other but everyone remained cordial. I wonder if the trend of awfulness continues up and down the mississippi. Every town around here, Venice, Brookly, Granite City, etc. These towns are like human sewage pits. Emitting their poisionus gases and suffocating all life surrounding them. As we head back from Alton, a 25mph headwind was waiting for us on the levy. We crested the top of it and, wham!!!! It was all I could do to keep my bike upright. The wind was gusting and blowing it all over the road. Ben and I decided to work together and we started taking pulls in the wind while the other took a break in the draft. This proved to be much more effective but still miserable. By the time we hit the chain of rocks bridge the sun was setting fast and we had to drop the hammer. For the next 12 miles we were able to ride about 20mph into the headwind the whole way. This was probably the single biggest effort I have ever done on a bicycle. Taking long steady pulls over about 1/4mile each we were able to devour everyone on the trail making their way back to the city. About two miles out we finally caught a guy who was riding pretty fast. He of course increased his efforts when we had him in sight but eventually I broke away and buried his ass too. Hit the finish and felt like by brain stem was 200 degrees. I was close to passing out so dropped out of the big ring and rode about 7 miles of recovering before calling it quits. Showered and hit bottleworks for some goat cheese dip, a pitcher of water, pumpkin ale and a curry chicken sandwich. Food tastes so good when you bring your body to the point of total collapse. I think I'll try that again this week.

pumping iron

Back in the gym, finally. Feels good to have some non-bike related muscle soreness. However, cycling has made me into a lean machine. Since I started cycling in the last four months I've only put 1200 miles on my bike and my body has undergone an amazing transformation. Granted, I still have some remaining deposited college fat around my midsection but it is retreating by the week. I feel better than ever and I owe it all to my bike. What I am trying to say is, bike, I think I love you.

9-11

Already getting burnt out on blogging. Been riding some, nothing great to speak of. Seems like I keep heading to forest park and doing laps, pretty boring. Although I have started treating my carbon fiber racing machine like a mountain bike by hoping curbs, riding through grass, riding trails full of debris, gravel, etc. Makes for a more exciting ride but surely not good on my bike. I can't believe how many years it has been since the attacks in NYC.time flies.

too much time off?

Rode today. Like shit of course. Maybe it is my week of doing nothing, maybe it is the sweltering heat, maybe it was my poor breakfast......... What a dog turd of a ride, of course, that is presuming dog turd's can cycle, which they can't. But if they could I am pretty sure that is how they would ride. Going to tnw and then to look at "fixies" for my bday. At least I can go watch people who know how to ride their bikes. peace out.

She only wants me for my bike, but I don't care.

That's all. Just thought you should know.

I cracked..

Well, I finally ruined my sober streak toward thirty days. I am not really surprised nor were any of my friends. Made it about two weeks before I had to throw in the towel. Two consecutive days of going out to bars with friends will do that to you. Not really the best environment for me to be in but had no choice. Too much damn stimuli, I was like a pedophile in a playground. DISCLAIMER (Previous statement even offends me and I wrote it). However, all is not lost as I am learning to control my etoh intake and learning not to chase that buzz, because you never catch that slippery bastard. The initial lift I get after about 2 or 3 beers is really the best alcohol will make me feel. Beyond that the alcohol continues to dull my senses and the "good feeling" becomes less and less and my payment the following day to the gods of gluttony balloons. Definitely feeling some guilt and regret today but whats done is done.

gateway cup

Man this is a great weekend. Went to Lafeyette Square and watched the elite, 1/2 race last night. Schmatz dominated the field to take the top prize and disaster was averted on the final lap when a rider touched his pedal cornering and smacked the pavement hard. Luckily, most everyone avoided the crash and only a pack of 20 or so got through to break away. Survived the landing last night but the trip wasn't without pain. Watched some of the wash ave. race today, weather is gorgeous. Well, not riding much but enjoying the spectating. Nothing exciting to report.